Summer's Here and the Living is Easy!

Summer is finally here!!! Caden's posture portrays the joy of this mother's heart! It has been a long, hard, stressful and joyous year and I am just so thankful to have made it to this new season. As many of you know, I am not returning to teaching next year in a full time role. This decision was scary to make but once made, so freeing.  Apparently I have to learn some things the hard way, and this was one of them. In a way, I don't regret this year because it will make this new season all the more sweet and I know I will appreciate everything (EVERY LITTLE MOMENT) more! I am so grateful to have both the perspective of a working mom and a stay at home mom (even if I'm only 4 days in). Any role with a "mom" in the title is challenging, so I hope I can keep this perspective when we're down in the trenches :)

I am a person that struggles with making decisions and I usally agonize over them long after they are made (like buying a house, or any material purchase for that matter)... but there are a few decisions that stick out in my mind as unwavering - and peace-filled. Going to ACU, marrying Jack, having Colton and Caden, becoming a teacher, and now staying at home. I have felt such a deep peace in my soul since making this decision and it just continues to be confirmed each day. On Day 2 of being a SAHM, Colton kept exlaiming, "I'm so happy to be at home, Mommy!" Later that day we made cookies and he told everyone at the store, "I made cookies with my mommy!" It just felt like God was speaking through his remarks or maybe I was finally still enough to hear them :) Certainly, I know there will still be stress, worry, guilt and difficulty but you just KNOW when you have that peace that passes understanding.

For most of this year, I have just struggled to stay afloat - I would read or hear my friends talk about this new craft, recipe or Bible lesson they tried with their kids - and feel bitterness in my heart because I felt like I could barely get dinner together much less do a craft. I was so grumpy on the weekends because I wanted to spend quality time with my kids, but had laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. Not to mention the daily commute and hurtling down the tollway at 70 mph with my two precious kids in carseats for half an hour each way.  I knew something had to change - The pressure of working full time and trying to give 100% to both roles was just draining me dry and I didn't like who I was becoming - I was forgetting to live by the Spirit and walk in His truth. I basically didn't recognize myself anymore. This may sound extreme, but I want to be honest. I also know there are so many who balance family and work beautifully but I finally had to admit I couldn't do it. Jack is having a slight panic attack right now, but I have assured him if things get tight I will be able to find part-time roles :) Seriously though - he is my biggest fan and I am so thankful for his unwavering love and support! It was also bittersweet to leave my wonderful co-workers and students. I have been teaching 9 years and 8 of those were at a Title 1 school, so of couse the guilt-ridden part of me (ahem... my irrational flesh - who can  always find something to feel guilt about) thought I was letting down my "calling" and students. Thankfully, I was reminded of three things: 1 - I wasn't really making an impact on students when I wasn't in step with the Spirit, 2 - I am called to be a mom first to these two amazing boys so that I can teach them about God's love and 3 - I can always go back when my kids are older...and we can find way to serve others together :) Why it took me all year to realize that - I don't know!

 
Little segue here to show Colton's Cookies!  It was such a fun experience. Totally spontaneous - Colton was rummaging through the pantry looking for a snack and his eagle eyes landed on this mix way at the back of the pantry. I think they were from Bunny when she cleaned out her pantry and the exp. date was 2008 (yikes!) But I figured dry ingredients can't go that bad and the eggs and butter would be fresh so we gave it a whirl. Sadly, I can count on one hand how many times I've made roll out/cut out sugar cookies so I wasn't sure how this would go. Colton had a blast and remembered that licking the spoon is par for the course. He couldn't wait for his slow mommy to read the directions so he actually stuck his face in the dry (expired) ingredients and licked it  - yuk!  Later when we floured the counter to roll out the dough he licked that too. I finally gave the poor kid a battered spoon and he was in heaven. They actually turned out great even with an expired mix and no rolling pin. (I had to use an aluminum water bottle). Serendipitously, I had a non-expired container of unopened frosting in the pantry complete with sprinkles!

Ok, back to my forever long saga of how I decided to stay at home. I totally understand if you skip my saga and just scroll to the pics :) Sometimes, it's nice just to write it all down.  I'm so very grateful to God for bringing us to this point. I look forward eagerly to this new season and pray that I can keep His perspective especially during the hours of 4-6 pm! Anyone else think these are the longest two hours with kids?! :) :) And, please don't be too hard on me in a few months when I am bloggin about pulling my hair out as a SAHM because I have a feeling this is going to be the hardest job I ever loved! Bring it on, boys!

Caden's First Time in the Sprinklers at Bunny's house or "Sprinkles" as Colton calls them

Caden can hear the fridge open a mile away and he stops what he's doing to come over and hang out in the door. Two days ago he picked up a GLASS jar of pickles. Thankfully they did not break!

Saturday night, we had a little "Summer's Here, Finally" cookout with some friends. We aired up the bounce house and let the guys watch the kids outside while the ladies chilled in the a/c :) This was also the night that the guys discoverd our a/c was going out!  Thankfully, we were able to stay at Bunny's Sunday night and it was fixed by Monday afternoon!